So, I am in the 5 week stretch until my due date of our baby girl. It is surreal. I'm about to be a mommy of 2! A part of me feels like it still hasn't sunk in that I'm pregnant, the other part of me feels like I've been pregnant forever. It's not like I can forget that I'm pregnant.....my bulging waistline is the topic of every conversation at the office, at church, at the store....everywhere! The weight of it all (physically and emotionally) has me losing sleep. :)
First off, let me say that I know that children are a gift from God. So are spouses, parents, friends, meaningful work and solitude. The "What's to Expect when Expecting" book only glosses over "anxiety of this life event", so I wanted to articulate and capture some of the anxiety I have about becoming a mommy of 2.
I'm looking forward to having our little girl, but I also feel sad for our little man who is so used to the world revolving around him. Since both my husband and I work full time, we completely and thoroughly lavish our little man with attention in the evenings and on the weekends. We spend lots of quality time together doing the things that our son enjoys, purely because it brings us joy to do so. We truly soak him up and spend every ounce of our energy loving him. I'm worried how we will be able to sustain this with two kids.
I know my worry is in vain, because God's miraculous hand will place spaces in our hearts to equally love both kids to the utmost. It is just so hard to imagine how we can do it until we meet our new little one.
I remember similar hesitations and fears while I was pregnant with Little Man. I was so worried how I would be able to "fit" the baby into the marriage, work life, social events, personal time, etc. And looking back over the past 3 years, the addition of Little Man made everything (marriage, work life, etc) even more worthwhile.
It's going to be a new life!
The amazing thing about it all is that Little Man doesn't worry about competing for attention or what having a baby sister will mean. He kissed my tummy last night and proclaimed "I'm a good big brother." And I believe he will be. And she is going to love him. And they will have each other and a bond that will last a lifetime.